Ecclesiastes 8:7-8 (White Knuckles)

Right now, I could tell you about three or four major things in my life that could easily keep me awake at night.  Perhaps for you, some of those major things might be subjects we find in our verses for today: a horrible boss, your future, the wars of our country (both physical and hypothetical), or death -- perhaps yours or someone else's that you love.

But I didn't lose sleep last night.  In fact, I might have slept a little too well.  Know why?  Because all those things are out of my control.

I'm learning this lesson in a major way right now.  See, in the last couple years, just when I thought I'd recovered from the loss of my mom, I lost more people.  No one close to me has died since then, thankfully, but a handful of my favorites have moved out of state -- including a couple friends and two of my three sisters.  Those moves have hit me HARD. 

My biggest fear before losing my mom to cancer was the death of a parent, and then she died.  So, I have tried really hard since then to barricade myself with a wall of friends who I knew would never "leave me"...and then they left.

And they should leave -- they were leaving for great jobs and great graduate schools and great spouses, and those are all great reasons to leave.  Yet, here I now found myself without them.  And feeling somewhat betrayed.  But they weren't leaving me, they were going to these great things.  Why do I always have to make it about me?

Regardless, I cried.  I pouted to myself.  I thought our relationships would be over forever.  I'm not a phone person, so if we can't just meet up for a cup of coffee on the spur of the moment, then clearly, we aren't going to be able to stay friends! 

But God, in his ever-gentle way, has been teaching me how to slowly release the white-knuckle grip I mentally have on the people around me that I love and has been reminding me that I have no control over what other people choose to do, and for goodness sake, Molly, their moves really have very little to do with you.

And so it is with horrible bosses, friends and family who move away, our future, and death and war:

⁷ Since no one knows the future,
    who can tell someone else what is to come?
⁸ As no one has power over the wind to contain it,
    so no one has power over the time of their death.
As no one is discharged in time of war,
    so wickedness will not release those who practice it.

There are many things which we cannot control, for none of us has any power to contain the decisions of others, and to lose sleep over them is futile -- we just wake up less rested, more grumpy, and less productive the next day.  Instead, in these things, can we take all that we have learned in Ecclesiastes so far, and entrust these things to our loving and good God?  If the results of these things depended on me, I'd be worried sick.  But it's not up to me, it's up to God.  And He is a lot more dependable than me anyway.

So, here's what I know I can control:  I read my Bible this morning and am trying to live by it.  I have and will love my husband today and try to serve and honor him.  I haven't slandered anybody yet today.  I gave my dog and cat some attention.  I am going to go to work and do my job the best that I can.  Later today, I'm going to call some of those people I love who have moved away and let them know that I'm thinking about them and miss them.  

I'm happy and yet I've got struggles (and that's just one of them).  We all do.  And these things are on my mind, yes, but they don't weigh me down, because I'm trusting God with them.  This is not a passive approach to life, but rather a conscious decision to surrender to the fact that I am not God, but I do trust The One who is.  He directs the wind, not me.

As one author puts it, "I know who holds tomorrow even if I don't know what tomorrow holds."

Do you believe the same?

Molly Monroe

Ecclesiastes 8:2-6 (Horrible Bosses)

 As we break apart this idea of remaining poised, let's look deeper at the three areas here that Solomon says we will probably need some poise: bosses and leaders, our deaths, and war/wickedness in verses 2 through 9.

I'm finding that with this idea of poise, it takes a lot more work than I originally thought.  Trying to remain poised in situations that involve other people is difficult, because they aren't trying to work on "poise" the way I am!

I am grateful to say that I have not had many experiences where I've had horrible bosses, but I know stories of people very dear to me who have: selfish, moody, out-for-self kind of bosses.  Perhaps you can relate to being under the weight of such "leaders," or perhaps during any given presidential term you may feel that you are under a weight as you wait out their term.

Regardless of whatever authority you may be under, remain poised, Solomon says:

² Obey the king’s command, I say, because you took an oath before God. ³ Do not be in a hurry to leave the king’s presence. Do not stand up for a bad cause, for he will do whatever he pleases. ⁴ Since a king’s word is supreme, who can say to him, “What are you doing?”

⁵ Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm,
    and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure.
⁶ For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter,
    though a person may be weighed down by misery.

There may be a proper time and procedure to speak to a boss about something, but Solomon says, don't be in a hurry to do it.  Bosses will do what bosses will do.  You serve their pleasures and commands, not your own.  And ultimately, they are still under The Boss, Himself.  

We are called to obey authority.  Don't abandon that position.  Even if you have a horrible boss, don't panic.  God sees, and it takes patience and trust in God for us to choose to submit to frail, human authority.

Remember David living under the evil King Saul?  He had multiple opportunities to kill Saul; yet, he had promised God that he would not take Saul's life into his own hands.  So he waited.  Under the evil leadership of a man who wanted him dead!  It took poise to not take Saul out.  Eventually, God took him out!

We can't control everything in life and that's OK.  Obey the moral will of God and do what He commands us to do.  Solomon reminds us that the obedient man "will come to no harm."  If your life is characterized by willful obedience and sumbission to the authority above you, there will be a "proper time and place" for dealing with problems.  When you're obeying the will of God, you don't have to worry.

You probably can't get your mean boss fired.  You have no control over that.  But what you do have control over is you.  Are you doing well with the things that ARE in your control?

A wise and poised follower of Christ knows He can change things in a heartbeat and, therefore, can rest in the sovereignty of God.

As far as my family member goes, the horrible boss in that situation got demoted...without this person having to do anything!  It took a few years, but his character/ability was found out. 

Be still.  God will take care of it.

Molly Monroe

Ecclesiastes 8:1 (Poise and Joy)

I'm awed by the famous women of the former decades -- Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, and the like.  They seem to radiate beauty and confidence and femininity in a way that makes me say, yeah, it's good to be a woman.  Or how about the stories of heroes who seem to just know what they should do in a moment of crisis and do it without a second thought?  All of these people possess one same, amiable quality: poise.

Poise is defined as 'a dignified, self-confident manner or steadiness.'  Don't you wish you could have a dignified, self-confident manner and steadiness no matter what comes your way?

Heavy, wall-to-wall rush hour traffic when you're already late for your cousin's surprise party?  No biggie, I've got poise.

Berating from your co-worker about the project you screwed up when he was out golfing with a client for the fifth time this week?  Just shruggin the shoulders, I've got poise.

One kid screaming in her high chair with pureed peas all over her face while the other one is clinging to your left ankle begging you not to make her take a nap, and then the dog poops on the floor?  Ain't no thing, I've got poise.

Or perhaps it's something even bigger: a diagnosis, a visit from the police, a pink slip as the bills are piling up.  How do we maintain poise in the midst of the life-altering moments?

Who is like the wise?
    Who knows the explanation of things?
A person’s wisdom brightens their face
    and changes its hard appearance.

The thing is, we don't want poise just for high-society's sake and looking put-together; rather, poise, for a Christian, is a sign of wisdom.

Do you have joy today?  Well, do you have a Bible in your hand?  The Word integrated into our life, and the Biblical wisdom it produces brings joy and poise, no matter the circumstances.

Wisdom brings poise because a person who has Biblical wisdom is assured of what is right.  They understand who they are, where they came from, where they are going, how their sin is and can be removed, and what the will of God is for their life.  There is no greater joy than to know the answers to these great life questions, and there is no other place to go for the answers than the Bible. 

My husband, Josh, used to make fun of me, but I hold to this: many times, you can tell if a person is a Christian just by looking at them.  

I'm not talking about the "I go to church with my wife because she makes me" kind of Christian (though good for you for going at all), but I'm talking about the kind of Christian who has asked God some tough questions in the midst of dark times and saw that God doesn't leave when we ask questions, who cried alone in her bed in the middle of the night only to be comforted by Scripture, who thinks often of Jesus throughout each day and tries to live for Him in obedience.  There is something about their faces.  It doesn't happen often, but I will run into them in a grocery store only to start talking later about church, or chat with them in the coffee line at a bookstore only to find them in the Christian book aisle a few minutes later, or hear an interview on the news of what kind thing someone did only to hear them reference Christ a few minutes later.  There is just a gentleness and tenderness in their eyes, a brightness.

This does not happen often, but it does happen.  And Josh believes me now after just having had this experience with a co-worker who he always thought was a nice, stand-up woman...turns out, she loves Jesus, too!  I'm telling you, there's a "brightness of their face" as these verses reference, and it's real.  It's hope.  It's truth.  It's a security in uncertain times.

Studying the Word gives wisdom, and wisdom will make you poised and full of joy.

As Clairee says in Steel Magnolias, "Smile!  It increases your face value!"

You don't need a face lift, my friends, just read Scripture!



Molly Monroe

Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 (A Double-Whammy)

²¹ Do not pay attention to every word people say,
    or you may hear your servant cursing you—
²² for you know in your heart
    that many times you yourself have cursed others.

This was a double-whammy today.  

Verse 21 -- People are going to say mean things about you to others.

Verse 22 -- You've done the exact same thing, too.

And both are true.  Do you know why?  Because both of you are sinners.  We all are sinners.

This reminds me that I have to go beyond just saying I'm a sinner, to really believing at my core that I am so far from where God wants me to be that I am 100 percent dependent on God's grace.  Without Him, I'm nothing.  Left to myself, I'm ruined.

With all this "self-esteem" talk these days, I wonder if we have glossed over the Truth of ourselves: Yes, we all have something to give and we needn't walk around with our head between our legs all the time, but we also must remember that we are worth very little, except that Jesus crowns us with righteousness.  A sinner, crowned like a queen.  Now, that's grace.

In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that you read this blog because you want to grow.  You know you're not perfect and that there's always more to learn.  And I can also guarantee that if you knew about me what God knows, you wouldn't be reading this blog.  We're all sinners...there but for the grace of God.

So, when I hear that someone is talking about me (as I just heard this week, in fact, what perfect timing), I can let it go.  I, too, have cursed others, slandered them behind their back, complained about them, and torn them down when they weren't there to defend themselves.

I'm not proud of those moments at all.  But remembering them reminds me that I'm no better than anyone else, and who cares about anyone else, because I know that I need a Savior.  I'm a sinner, too, just like the worst of 'em.

Solomon shoots it straight: people WILL talk badly about you, so expect it.  But remember that you have done the exact same thing.  So, don't be surprised when it happens.  Instead, extend grace.



Molly Monroe

Ecclesiastes 7:15-20 (Knowledge with Humility)

¹⁵ In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these:

the righteous perishing in their righteousness,
    and the wicked living long in their wickedness.
¹⁶ Do not be overrighteous,
    neither be overwise—
    why destroy yourself?
¹⁷ Do not be overwicked,
    and do not be a fool—
    why die before your time?
¹⁸ It is good to grasp the one
    and not let go of the other.
    Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes.

¹⁹ Wisdom makes one wise person more powerful
    than ten rulers in a city.

²⁰ Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous,
    no one who does what is right and never sins.

Perhaps you need to hear this today:  you do not have control.  

I needed to hear that yesterday.  It was a doozie of a day at work, and I was beginning to get all wrapped up in the silliness of it all when a co-worker reminded me, "It's out of our control."  And she was right.

We spend an awful lot of time fretting over things that are simply out of our control, don't we?  Our anxiety and constant thinking about them doesn't change a thing.  And when I can remember this very fact, and can let go of whatever stress I may feel about not being in control, I suddenly feel free!  Amazing how that works!

Here's one thing we don't have control over:

In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these:

the righteous perishing in their righteousness,
    and the wicked living long in their wickedness.

Have you seen incredibly good, joyful, righteous people die young? And all the while, have you seen wicked people living longer than all the kind people around them?  I've seen both.  Many times!

But we are not in control.  He is.  I don't get it most of the time, but when I do see wicked people living a long time, I often remember when Peter reminded us that "The Lord is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance" (2 Peter 3:9).  He's giving everyone as much time as possible to decide to turn to Him, even the most evil people there are.  And despite their evil, He can still use them for His purposes.  So don't be surprised when bad people live long.

We don't know it all, and we don't know what God is doing; therefore,

Do not be overrighteous,
    neither be overwise—
    why destroy yourself? 

 Do not be overwicked,
    and do not be a fool—
    why die before your time? 

 It is good to grasp the one
    and not let go of the other.
    Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes.

Solomon reminds us here to not be "overrighteous."  Don't go around thinking you have all the answers and you know better than everyone else.  Pride comes before the fall.

And don't chuck it all because you're not in control and don't know all that God is doing by saying flippant things like, "Well, I won't wear a seat belt.  God will keep me alive if He wants me here," because that's just foolish and you may just die before your time.

Rather, we must hang on to both of these.  Avoid extremes in the area of our hearts and attitudes.  In this life of inequality, we need to focus on one thing: to live in godly fear of the Lord and to honor Him.  We need to focus on ourselves, not on how other people are doing in their Christianity. 

If evil people are still living, that's okay.  God's got it.  It's out of my control.  And if good people are dying, we don't need to be shocked.  God warns us that that will happen on this Earth.  Either way, we trust Him, and we keep working on ourselves.  We need to remember that no matter how righteous we may think we are, we are still just a sinner saved by the grace of God.

As John Newton, the former slave trader and author of "Amazing Grace," said, "When I get to heave, I will be amazed at three things.  I will be amazed at those I thought would be there who are not there, those I did not think would be there who are there, and the fact that I am there at all."

Early in his ministry, Paul called himself the least of the apostles.  Later on he said he was the least of all Christians.  Then he said he was the chief of sinners.  The older he got, the more he saw God, the lower he became in his own estimation.

Like these two men, I want to remain humble.  The longer I know Christ, the more humble I hope to become.  But I can tell you this, humility won't come when we think we have the last word on knowledge and righteousness.

Let's leave that to Jesus.

¹⁹ Wisdom makes one wise person more powerful
    than ten rulers in a city.

²⁰ Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous,
    no one who does what is right and never sins.

There is nothing better than wisdom.  There is nothing better than walking with God and revering Him.  Just don't let it go to your head.  Beacause there is not a single one of us who is perfect and has it all together and knows everything.  But keep learning anyway.  Stay in the Word.

In fact, no matter how many degrees you have, if you don't soeak in the Bible, you're stumbling through a minefield.  But if the only book you study is is the Bible and its wisdom, and you have no other degrees, you'll still have a joyful, happy life.  You may not have lake house with a jet ski, but can you live with that?  Wisdom is better than ten rulers.  You can surround yourself with the greatest, most knowledable men, but if you know and fear God, you're ahead of the pack.

So it's good to be wise, but make sure you temper it by "being downwind of yourself," as one author likes to put it.  Don't focus on the fact that you're growing compared to the people around you.  Look at Jesus, and let Him be your standard...then you'll remember who you really are.

I'm just a sinner saved by Grace.




Molly Monroe

 

Ecclesiastes 7:8-14 (The Good 'Ol Days)

⁸ The end of a matter is better than its beginning,
    and patience is better than pride.
⁹ Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit,
    for anger resides in the lap of fools.

¹⁰ Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?”
    For it is not wise to ask such questions.

¹¹ Wisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing
    and benefits those who see the sun.
¹² Wisdom is a shelter
    as money is a shelter,
but the advantage of knowledge is this:
    Wisdom preserves those who have it.

¹³ Consider what God has done:

Who can straighten
    what he has made crooked?
¹⁴ When times are good, be happy;
    but when times are bad, consider this:
God has made the one
    as well as the other.
Therefore, no one can discover
    anything about their future.

Like I said last week, it was a big week for me.  Saturday marked four years since Mom went to Heaven.  And for any of you experiencing significant grief right now, I hope you will allow me to encourage you with this: it does get easier.

I remember people saying that to me, and I waited and waited for the "easier" part to come...it took a bit longer than I thought it would.  Like, years.  But finally in this fourth year, I think I've come up for breath more than I ever have.  I can think of my mom and smile much more than I cry.  And I do have days occasionally where I don't think of her at all, and that had never happened in the first three years.

But for the first three years especially, and even now occasionally, I will think of what verse 10 is saying, and I'll wish for "the good ol' days," when everyone was alive and living under the same room, playing games together and traveling together.  Life seemed so simple, so perfect.  But Solomon immediately says wishing for the good ol' days is not a wise thing to do.

It's so easy for us to live in the past and to wish for the past, isn't it?  

And it's easy for us to go there because thinking about the past and spending energy on "the past" requires nothing of me.  You know, I know, and God knows that I can't change the past -- there's nothing that can be done about what has been.  It's already done.

So spending my time and energy on the past is my easy cop-out to not work on the present.

Sometimes I'd rather stay hovered over The Past because spending time on The Now will hurt.  Thinking about what steps I could take at this moment might require something of me, a sacrifice perhaps.  I might have to deal with my current feelings and emotions, ones I wish I didn't have or could have dealt with in The Past.  What are we trying to avoid by staying focused on The Past?

Or perhaps it's something we're trying to gain?  Perhaps by focusing on The Past, I can go back to the old idols that made me feel safe.  I wonder if by focusing on The Past, I get to feel important again, or loved, or powerful, or free, or young.  

But that's not wise. Why?  Because that is not reality anymore, and staying there will only harm us in the end.

Do you believe that things happen for a Reason?  Do you trust that that old relationship maybe didn't work for your good?  Do you believe that even in loss there is much more to be gained?  Do you believe when God says, "Behold, I am making all things new" (Rev. 21:5) that He also means you, and in order for you to change you can't stay the same and things can't stay the same as they always have been?

If there's one girl who hates change more than anyone, it's me.  Just this week, Josh asked me to switch sides of the bed with him so he can hear better due to a hearing loss he has.  One would think that as his wife I would move in a heartbeat so he could hear better, right?  Wrong.  I have pouted (as light-heartedly as I could) and whined and complained.  It has been difficult for me to move to a new side of the bed.  I've been on the right side for five whole years!  I'm attached to "my side."  I comfortable and secure there.  I don't like change!

But with change comes wisdom (as verses 11-12 tell us).  With wisdom comes a shelter and a comfort that we can't know without change.  And the wisdom we get from facing these changes head-on will preserve us.  It will make us ready for the next time, because there will be a next time.

Verse 13 says to "consider what God has done."  He is the one who allows these things into our lives, but He never does so without a reason.  And we may never know that reason.

Can we trust Him even when He never gives us a reason?

He doesn't owe us anything.  He is God.  His thoughts and ways are much higher than our human minds can ever comprehend.

So, we have to just trust Him.

He knows what He's doing.

"So when times are good," says verse 14, "be happy."  When things are peachy, enjoy them.  Laugh a lot, smile constantly, enjoy every great moment in the day, and just soak up the delight of it all.  God has made these good times.

"But when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other."  He is doing something in you.  Don't miss the blessing by trying to change what cannot be changed.

Adversity and prosperity -- God brings them both.  You can be sure that the future won't look exactly as you hope it will, but you can be sure that with any pain will come wisdom.

And from my own experience, I wouldn't trade it.

Molly Monroe

Ecclesiastes 7:1-6 (Why Death is Better than Life)

A good name is better than fine perfume,
    and the day of death better than the day of birth.
² It is better to go to a house of mourning
    than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
    the living should take this to heart.
³ Frustration is better than laughter,
    because a sad face is good for the heart.
⁴ The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
    but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.
⁵ It is better to heed the rebuke of a wise person
    than to listen to the song of fools.
⁶ Like the crackling of thorns under the pot,
    so is the laughter of fools.
    This too is meaningless.

Now, if you're like me, you read that for the first time and thought, "WHAT?!"  You mean to tell me that death is better than birth, mourning is better than feasting, and frustration is better than laughter?  And then perhaps you thought, "Okay, Mr. Solomon," as you leaned back in your chair and crossed your arms, "I'm listening.  What could you possibly say to make that make sense?"

But, see, I get it.  And if you've suffered any kind of significant trial, perhaps you will, too.

As of this Saturday, my mom will have been in Heaven for four years.  Four. Whole. Years.  I truly can't believe that is the number, and I'm sure every year I will say it again, because I really didn't think I'd make it this long.  I thought I would have died of a broken heart by now.  

But I haven't.

In fact, my heart is much stronger now than it ever was before.

And that's Solomon's point.

For me, cancer and then the death of my mom is what finally put everything in perspective.  And I can say now, without a doubt, that our trials always have a purpose.  They ALWAYS have a very beneficial purpose.

Trials purify you.

Trials show you what you are, because whatever comes out of you when you're hit, that's what you really are.

Trials show you that you can't make it on your own.

Trials perfect you.

Trials make you pray.

Trials make you go to The Word.

Trials make you trust.

Trials make everything you heard in Sunday School become real.

Trials make you turn to Christ.

Trials show you who your truest of friends are.

Trials show you what really matters in life.  And it's not stuff.

Trials prove you -- whether you're a Christ-follower, or just like the idea of being one.

Trials humanize you and make you sensitive.

Trials make you sweeter and gentler.

Trials make you more like Jesus.

So don't think for a moment that your current trials have no purpose or are being inflicted upon you for no reason.  Because it's during the trials that you have a choice -- perhaps one of the biggest choices you will ever make -- are you going to keep holding on to Christ, or are you going to let go of Him and of all you've learned about who He is up to this point?  Are you going to trust that He's working something in you that's bigger than you ever thought, or are you going to walk away from the growth and maturity that He wants to produce in your life?

See, trials do good things in us.  Good things!  But the rub is that these are things we probably would never choose to experience on our own.  So, God has to lead us through some pretty dark waters, perhaps against our will, because He knows that trials are not always The Worst Thing.  Because He knows that trials will make us better than we ever were before.

Our loving God is not as committed to our short-term happiness as He is to our character.  And He knows that to make us better than we are today, we are going to have to walk through a few fires.  He doesn't desire our smiles and laughter as much as He desires our hearts and our devotion and our obedience and our trust.  And so how do we learn those things?

Trials.

If you want Christ, sometimes death is better than life.  Sometimes crying is better than laughing.  Sometimes losing your mom to cancer is better than anything that's ever happened to you before because the pain makes you real.  The pain will get your thinking straight.  The pain will bring you closer to God.  The pain will make you more like Jesus.

I miss my mom like crazy.  I would love nothing more than to have her walk up to me right this moment and tell me she's back.  But I know that the growth I've experienced in the past four years is something I would have never known if she were still here.  Because death brings life, and her death brought new life to my relationship with Jesus Christ and increased my trust in Him.

I know I will see her again, and she knows that, too.

And in the meantime, Lord, just keep strengthening my heart and my love for You.  Keep bringing me trials if that's what's gonna make me more like You.




Molly Monroe

And please tell her I love her.