In the next few days, as we read chapter 7, we will be studying what Paul teaches about marriage and singleness.
1 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” From now until the end of 1 Corinthians, Paul will be addressing some questions that the Church had written and asked him to answer, so here in verse 1, he is quoting the statement that they had made regarding sex, "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." At the time, the sexuality of the culture was very tumultuous: thousands of women served as prostitutes in the pagan temples down the street, but the Greeks were also teaching that anything related to the body was dirty and so to reject sex and marriage altogether. With those two strong but opposing ideologies, it was difficult for the Christians to determine what God's will was for their sexuality. They wrote to Paul to gain some wisdom on the subject.
2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
The answer to the question of "should we be having sex?" is "certainly -- but only within a certain context." It is GOOD for a man to have sex with his wife and a wife with her husband! Sexual drives are strong, and God Himself created them to be that way...isn't THAT a relief?! It is not wrong in the slightest to want to have sex, because God created us to want it (again...phew!). But this works best, and for our benefit, when it is within the context of marriage as God intended. Marriage can provide a passionate, balanced, and fulfilling sex life in a world of sexual disorder! With the commitment of marriage, I don't have to try to pretend to be something I'm not, and I don't have to try to impress my husband in the bedroom for fear that he'll leave me the next morning (a fear I struggled with for the first few years of our marriage...more on that another day). Marriage provides a safe place to learn, enjoy, and grow together sexually! It's incredible!
Now, verses 3 and 4 always get a bad wrap, but really, I think Paul is just being the passionate and blunt speaker that he is. We, especially women, get really defensive when we're told that we have a duty to something and no authority over ourselves, but look and see that it also says the very same thing to the husbands right after that. In other words, the marriage bed must be a place of mutuality -- the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, and the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Notice no where does it say, "The point of sex is for you to be satisfied, so make sure you're getting what you want." Marriage itself is a decision to SERVE the other person, and so too in sex! But in our culture, we go into marriage and sex to get what we want and expecting the other person is going to meet up to our expectations and desires in and out of the bedroom -- but that is so far from the truth of what marriage is about! Though I can tell you from experience, when both people are doing all they can to serve the other (even when they don't do it perfectly), the end result is a very rich and rewarding marriage!
5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.
In fact, not only should married people have sex, but they should have it regularly! (I can hear your "amens" from here!) Sex is just another way for satan to drive a wedge between a husband and a wife, and the best way for him to do damage in your marriage through your sexual relationship is when you don't do it. Because God created our sexual passions to be so strong, our lack of self-control begins to gain even more strength when we do not have an outlet. However, it is still possible to have self-control even when our desires are strong, don't get me wrong...which is why Paul says marriage is a concession and not a command. Paul is single, so I'm sure he must know how hard it can be some days!
7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
Paul goes on to say, that he wishes they were all like him...single. And do you see that he looks at his singleness as a gift?! All our chick-flicks sure don't teach that, do they? But Paul sees singleness as the simpler life in many ways, and it is! Marriage is really tough, and on some days, can bring just as many tears as my single friends shed over the desire to be married. Yet, he knows that God gives the gift of marriage to some and the gift of singleness to others...but BOTH are a GIFT.
So wherever you are in your relationships today, I hope you have gained some Truth. I pray that you will sense God's direction and His peace wherever you are in your relationships. People are the most important things in our lives, but they can also be the most difficult things sometimes. That's why my prayer is that in relationships, may I just be taking one step closer to being more like Christ each day.
I'd encourage you to share with Jesus whatever is difficult for you right now in relationships. He already knows it, but He sure would love to hear it from you and help guide and direct you.
We will be studying this topic for the rest of the week, so come back for more! I sure do love walking this road of discipleship with you all. You are a joy to me!
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